Dating apps entered our lives within the last decade. Online dating already existed through social media or dating websites (mainly in the U.S.), but apps made the whole thing far more accessible and widespread, because you literally have them in your hand all day through your phone.
What they offer us is choice. It’s like being in ten or a hundred bars every night, while sitting at home in your pajamas. That didn’t exist before. You had to seize the moment when you were out and actually make a move, otherwise you’d have to wait until next Saturday night.
Dating apps also brought what we call an intentional approach to dating, that is, the ability to date with purpose, something people have always wanted, but couldn’t easily do before on their own initiative.
You couldn’t just decide to go on a date because you felt like it; you relied on introductions through family (matchmaking), community, or church. In short, dating apps are a valuable tool, as long as you learn to use them safely, responsibly, and a little cleverly.
But it’s important to note: through apps you meet people. You don’t date them. In reality, they’re introduction apps. You meet another human being, the app simply does the introduction. “Romeo, this is Juliet. You both enjoy drinking latte and going for walks. Good luck.”
Once you’ve met the other person, whatever relationship develops between you becomes something self-standing, completely independent from the app. It’s important to understand this, because very often people find excuses for themselves and justify their behavior in app-based connections, avoiding accountability.
But really, people we meet on the apps aren’t different from people we meet elsewhere. We owe them the same level of respect we owe to anyone in “real life”.
Why does Gen Z seem to use dating apps less than previous generations?
First, there’s a common saying about dating apps:
“Everyone hates them but everyone’s on them.”
As for Gen Z, part of the phenomenon has to do with the world they inherited, which unfortunately isn’t the same as the one previous generations grew up in.
Repeated economic crises, the pandemic, the housing crisis, growing conservatism, the collapse of dreams and expectations, and a general sense of hopelessness about the future, all of these have contributed to what we now call the male loneliness epidemic.
These factors make this generation operate under a cloud of uncertainty, unsure whether they’ll ever live what we once called a “conventional life”, with a house, family, and children.
That can lead to a kind of resignation in the search for partners, especially among men who still identify with the traditional gender role of being the provider.
On the other hand, this generation, the dating app natives who grew up with the apps, are also in a position to reject them.
A more progressive segment doesn’t want to depend on tech giants (broligarchs), algorithms, or the AI that has now entered the dating space. They crave more authentic interactions, not mediated by technology.
(A more conservative segment, on the other hand, wants to get married at 22, with trends like “trad wife”, and some young women’s dream is to stay home baking bread and raising children),
Meanwhile, studies record “swiping fatigue”, meaning exhaustion from constant app use, from superficial connections, and from the vicious cycle of situationships that often emerge through them.
We also see a longing for something more meaningful, a nostalgia for something they never really experienced, like the “meet-cutes” of 90s romantic comedies, those magical accidental encounters in real life, that tend to disappear.
There’s a connection to social media trends like “main character energy”, seeing yourself as the protagonist of your own movie and manifesting. In a way, these are coping mechanisms for a pretty dystopian reality, where the only answer and solution seems to be magical thinking.
It all comes back to something I often tell my clients: You have to actually do something to meet new people. You can’t expect a gorgeous neighbor to knock on your door asking to borrow a cup of sugar, or to find the love of your life in your fridge. Unfortunately, life isn’t a rom-com.
If you want to learn how to use dating apps the right way, I can help you build your ideal dating profile with the right photos and a bio that represent you in the most flattering, authentic way. Fill out the form and we’ll take it from there!
