Yes, you read that right. I am a feminist and a dating coach -or mentor, if you will. Don’t be surprised. The rules of dating have changed.
Perhaps you feel lost. You tell one little harmless joke and they call you sexist or a misogynist. You don’t understand why. (What does it even mean?) You didn’t mean to offend, you used to tell the same jokes and even women laughed, what’s changed? Let me tell you what’s changed. The rules have changed and you need to un-learn and start again. Taking it from the top. No, it’s not your fault. I mean it. Society is to blame, it taught us wrong. But to succeed, you need to change as well.
I can help you face this new reality and guide you to become what women want and what this new era demands.
As your dating coach, I’ll help you see what you’re doing wrong and challenge you to re-think the way you think and behave, so you can be successful with women. No games, no superficial self-improvement, no tricks from dark psychology. Leave the wolves alone and don’t listen to pseudoscientific theories from men who claim to know the “game”. Listen to a woman who wants you to do better, because that’s the only way we’ll all succeed together.
Read my whole story here.
Dating as we know it is outdated and problematic. It is based on standards and stereotypes of the past, and it has not been updated or revised. It is still influenced by romanticism, where the man had to be a chivalrous gentleman and the woman a “lady”. It has a fair bit of the ideals of the 50s, the man being a provider and the woman a virgin and a home maker. A bit of sexual liberation, with sex before marriage being allowed, but if your body count is in the double digits, you’re a slut. A bit of the 80s and 90s “cool girl” prototype, when women read on women’s magazines “how to drive him crazy in bed”, but their own pleasure was considered a myth, and to be cool they had to fake orgasms to make men feel good. All the while, consent was never officially taught and men were raised to think women play hard to get, so you have to push and insist in order to get sex. Add porn culture standards and abuse depicted as the norm, and throw it all in the blender of dating apps.
The cocktail is toxic. That’s why I decided to write a guide to redefine dating between men and women, so that it’s healthy and not ruled by rape culture. That’s what feminist dating is. The descriptor “feminist” may seem cringey but it’s temporary. We need it until we change the way we behave and realize that the way we meet, flirt, date and have sex is not equal, is not safe, and is definitely not mutually pleasurable.
“Women today want more, because they are beginning to realize what they want. Who it is they want. Someone who sees them as equal human beings and not as sex dolls or trophies. Someone who doesn’t pretend he wants romance while wanting sex. Someone who doesn’t decide right off the bat that he wants them for, a Relationship or sex, but is interested in getting to know them to discover what they want from each other, together. Who cares to please them, even if he is never going to see them again.”
“The whole culture of dating is built around men pushing for sex, and women pushing for a relationship. We grew up taking it for granted, until women have had enough. Things are changing. Women are demanding more, and men haven’t learned how to respond to the new demands.”
“Men want to have sex and often blame women for not wanting to have sex with them, yet, in a moment of rare genius, they decided to condemn women who do want to have sex. Meanwhile, women have even better reasons not to have sex: a) the very realistic fear that men will force them to do things they don’t want to do and b) the very sad reality that they will not enjoy the sex they will have.”
My bio on dating apps says “I used to be funny, but then I started calling men out on their sexism, and now men hate me because apparently, I hate men”.
I think it pretty obvious I am being sarcastic, but many men don’t get it and keep asking me what I’m doing on dating apps since I hate men.
I don’t hate men. If I hated men, I wouldn’t have written a book teaching men how to be successful with women, nor would I have studied counselling and coaching to be able to help men to become better dating candidates and, in the final analysis, better relationship partners.
I don’t hate men. I hate the way too many men behave, too often. It’s not even that I think it’s men’s fault. What is to blame, is the way society raises men. You need to un-learn a lot of what you’ve been taking for granted, and realize what this new era demands of you as a (single) man. That’s why I am here. Because it’s very likely you feel lost and could use a guide.
For many years, I used to write my own dating stories on social media. In 2016, I wrote my first piece on rape culture. It included personal accounts of sexual assault and rape, all in the context of dating. It was written a year before #metoo went viral. In the following months, I was invited to do a TED talk, followed by interviews, articles and documentaries. Up to today, I have received thousands of messages from women on social media, urging me to keep speaking up and thanking me for shedding light to subjects we don’t talk about enough. I decided to write all I’ve learnt in a book and ultimately start studying in order to devote myself to what I believe. Helping men become better than who society thinks they are. This is why I’m here.