It seems obvious, but it’s not what you think. Everyone is attracted to beauty, but for many men, the pursuit of the most beautiful woman becomes an obsession. Let’s explore why.
Symbol
For many men, a beautiful woman isn’t just attractive. She’s a symbol. She symbolizes that they’ve “made it” in life. That’s why we talk about the “trophy woman.” It’s not about the woman, it’s about the man. Men who choose women solely based on appearance have learned to evaluate themselves through their success.
Self-Esteem
We’re talking about performance-based self-esteem. When someone’s self-worth is built solely on performance (professional, social, sexual), then their choices are often filtered through what enhances that image, in order for them to feel like they’re enough.
Social Validation – Demands of Stereotypical Masculinity
A beautiful partner isn’t just a romantic choice, she’s social validation. It’s the male version of “what will people say.” What will other men say? How much will they admire me, envy me, respect me? How well will I prove that I’m man enough and that I’ve succeeded?
Disappointment
And yet, choosing the most beautiful woman they can “get” often creates anxiety, fear of rejection, and a deep sense of inadequacy. Later on, it leads to loneliness and unhappiness, because the relationship is based on external variables, not substance. They choose women with whom the relationship lacks depth, but they don’t allow themselves other criteria, because society demands this of them.
Patriarchy
This entire structure rests on patriarchal foundations. Because in patriarchy, a woman’s value is tied to her appearance, and a man’s to his earning power. Relationships become transactions. These beliefs are still passed down by fathers and reinforced by society, so boys grow up believing that only this formula will earn them approval and happiness. But that’s a lie.
If you’re a man and this resonates, ask yourself:
What does it mean to me to have a beautiful partner?
How does it affect the image I have of myself?
- What am I afraid will happen if I choose a woman based on other traits, like character, compatibility, emotional connection, instead of looks?
- How do I feel when I’m next to a very beautiful woman? Do I feel fear, self-doubt, or a need to prove something?
- How is my value as a man tied to the woman I have next to me?
- If I couldn’t rely on looks to choose a partner, what other qualities would be important to me?
These questions will help bring you closer to your true desires, beyond the stereotypes, and give you a trusted guide so you can track, find and pick the right partner for your authentic self.