I hear this often in sessions, and it saddens me, because I know the truth. No one is boring. Even if all you do is go to work and watch TV shows, you still have an entire universe of thoughts inside your mind.

Of course, it’s easier to define your identity through unique hobbies and say you do something like go paragliding every weekend, but that’s not what truly impresses people.

Talk about your favorite sandwich you order at work. Talk about the cringiest memory of your life. Say that you’re afraid of the dark and describe what the scariest monster you can imagine looks like. Admit which embarrassing pop song is hiding in your playlist.

Talk about the hobbies you tried and failed at. Talk about your worst holiday ever. Talk about your bedtime routine. Say what you’d like to be doing at 70 instead of watching the news like your parents.

People don’t connect through impressing each other. They connect through small glimpses of vulnerability, the kind that’s first shared with a touch of humor. That’s what makes a stranger feel a little more real, a little more human and closer to us.

Don’t hold back from meeting people just because you don’t have exciting hobbies or a glamorous job, and don’t write others off as boring just because they don’t. Beneath everyone’s effort to seem “normal,” there’s a complex, magical universe waiting to be discovered.

I’m not saying everyone is compatible with everyone, but look beneath the surface. I say to women: “Can you communicate with this person? Do you relate to something they say? Does the conversation flow? Do you laugh? Do you feel safe? Do you find yourself wanting to send them a reel because it reminded you of something you shared? Are your values compatible or is the gap unbridgeable?”

Those are the things that matter. No relationship survives just because both people like hiking, or the same type of music. Those may be starting points, but on their own, they don’t take you very far. Look deeper. And remember, we’re all made of stars.